Learning to Move
The others had already left, gone home or back in the house. My friends had left me all alone, purposely. It was only me and her, April, outside in the cool night air looking at the stars. Neither of had said a word, only silence and the glow of the moon filled the air. I saw her sitting on the damp grass in her jeans and red shirt her auburn hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was so beautiful and out of my league. She was smart, athletic, and pretty a trifecta I missed on all points. What the hell was I thinking? I don’t belong here all alone with her.
My nervous panic began to set in. Do I smell? I knew I must stink, I could feel the beads of sweat running down my back. I must smell terrible. I was convinced my nervous stink could be smelled from a mile away. I had put on cologne earlier to combat it. Oh no, maybe I put on too much. Oh God, I can tell it’s choking the air, I can barely breathe through it, I definitely put on way too much. I’m such an idiot!
She finally broke the silence and my rapidly descending thoughts with a small inward breath. That was a good breath, right? It didn’t sound like a breath of boredom. Yes, that was a breath of contentment not boredom. There was a smile on her face. That’s a good thing she is enjoying herself and at the least isn’t bored.
My right hand started to move closer to hers. It inched closer little by little shaking the whole time. Stop! What are you doing? This is crazy I don’t stand a chance I can’t make that move. Can’t take that risk and be laughed at or slapped across the face. I didn’t want this moment to end in embarrassing failure and a red cheek. I regained control of my hand as I stopped it from moving just a few inches away from her hand. I wasn’t ready to move like that yet. My hand was frozen paralyzed with fear. Thank God I stopped myself in time. Who knows what could have happened. That could have ended disastrously. I can’t believe I was about to do such a silly thing it surely would have rui-
She had moved her hand next to mine and placed her pinky on top of mine. My whole body seemed to tighten at the touch of her soft hand. It only got tighter as her pinky started to rub up and down the inside of my pinky and then wrap around beneath mine. My throat tightened, my chest tightened, and everything else tightened. I couldn’t move at all I didn’t understand what was happening I could only shrink into myself.
Something must be done. I had to move. No longer could I just sit here. That was a signal to act, to do something. But I didn’t. She made the move again and intertwined her fingers with mine. Something must have been lodged in my throat because I couldn’t breathe and my mouth didn’t have a drop of moisture.
Somehow I managed to scrape up the will to look over at her and I saw she was looking over at me too with a shy smile that she often wore. She gripped my hand tighter and moved right up next to me. Our shoulders and thighs touched. I was just glad I didn’t pass out from the overload of impulses and the blood racing through my head. Our warm bodies leaned against each other and against the cool breeze.
She started the move, bringing her face closer to mine. The final move was here. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Was I ready? Does my breath stink? Is there anything stuck in between my teeth? They always get spinach stuck in their teeth in the movies and I had a spinach salad for lunch. There must be spinach stuck in mine too. I checked. No. I should have worn a better shirt. I should have taken mints. There were a thousand things I should have done. It didn’t care anymore. There was nothing more to be discussed nothing mor-I moved. I finally moved. Our lips touched and my brain finally shut down. My blue eyes looked into hers before closing. Lips parted and our tongues found their way into each other’s mouths running across the others teeth. Her pinky ran back up and down mine before wrapping around once again. I just held her and pulled tighter. Nothing had ever felt so good, so right. The kiss ended a few moments later but its effect never did. I had taken the leap, the risk I had been avoiding. It didn’t kill me or embarrass me by doing so. In fact I loved the results.